The Deepest Blues are Black
by AlsLingo
Summary: It's safe to say you don't deserve it, but you know you'll hang on to it.


**I tried something a little different with this story; I like the idea of Casey being a friend to Veronica. I just, I don't see them as a couple. I just think Logan is too deep under Veronica's skin and she doesn't want to lose him. So that's sort of where I was heading with this. **

"I always thought I'd be in love with him."

Casey looked up with a confused look. He always seemed to look confused around her, she sighed knowing her elaboration would only make her relive the memories she was desperate to forget. She swallowed thickly, trying it again, "Duncan," she spoke quietly staring at the food on her plate. The cheeseburger looking awfully tempting in the menu now seemed to be a heart attack waiting. "Then, I don't know, I just stopped."

He smiled with a nod, trying to be understanding. But she knows he doesn't actually care, he just wants to make her feel like he does, he just wants her to forget, and she wanted that too, but it's hard to forget when the two people she'd been in love with her were such crash and burners. "You wish you didn't?"

She stared at him, wondering herself why that thought never crossed her mind. Why hadn't she just, stopped _not_ loving him? Why hadn't it been that easy? Because you're not that girl and you're kind of glad about that, you're a 'live and forget about it' kind of girl. Except with Duncan, it was more like 'out of sight, out of mind.' You just couldn't quite convince Logan of that.

"I spoke to Logan yesterday," she replies forging a new direction to their conversation. Sometimes, after time with Casey, she feels a little bit badly that he's the guy who gets to hear about her ex-boyfriends, but he was willing and truth be told, it became a lot easier to share the details than she remembered. "I'm sorry Casey." She says it, but he shrugs a reply.

"So, Logan, huh," he takes a bite out of his cheeseburger, grins with a mouth full of food, and despite how gross it looks, she can't help but feel a little relieved how easy it feels with Casey, how the pressure is off, how neither one really loves each other, but that doesn't mean they don't care. "How's he doing?"

"Good, he's in grad school, New York," she swallows thickly, playing with the fries on her plate. She can hear him sigh, and she's worried he's getting tired of their conversations, their meetings. Maybe even their friendship, but she's hanging on desperately to him because she needs a friend these days, Wallace is on a different continent, felt like a different planet.

He takes a sip of his soda, watching her, contemplating something she can tell. His brow is furrowed and if she could, she'd go on trying to pretend that he's not reading her, "did you tell him you miss him?"

Her eyes shot up quickly, widened with shock, maybe a little of awe that someone like Casey Gant could read her, but she figures there's a lot of things she doesn't know about people. Her eyes glaze over to guilt quickly, and because she misses Wallace, and she's not ready to admit how she feels about Logan anymore, she feigns ignorance, "I told him I was glad he was happy."

"So you lied through your teeth huh," he chuckled taking another sip of his drink, wiping his hands with the napkin on his knee. She shook her head, frustrated, irritated a bit angry that he was trying to make her say things she just didn't want to say. Things she'd stop feeling. Except, she did miss Logan. She missed his smile, his arms, she missed the sound of his voice and the way, it was stupid, but the way that he seemed to _know_ her. She missed someone knowing her, and it didn't count if you had to tell them. "If it makes you feel better, I called Sara last night. She wants to get together tomorrow."

Relieved at the chance to talk about anybody but herself, she tried to sound interested, but it feels a bit harder these days, "yeah?" She's a bit glad she didn't tell Casey that she cried after talking to Logan. He sounded so happy and she had felt so miserable, and it wasn't fair, but it wasn't wrong either. She'd dug herself the hole; she just hadn't wanted to live in it. She even tried to ignore the way Logan had asked how she was doing, how she could feel his smile through the phone, how she had gripped the phone tight that she was sure her fingers were white. Suddenly it was too loud or too much and she excused herself politely from the table, rushing towards the front door.

"Veronica?" Casey questioned, worry across his features. She just smiled and replied a quick "I'll be back."

After a brief search, the phone in her hand, she stared at the entry, Logan. Calling him was a mistake, her head screamed. Calling him was a mistake, she kept hearing over and over. Ignoring her voice, her head, she could feel the pain in her heart lessen, the ringing was making her nervous, so she bit her fingernails, a habit only then.

Letting out a breath, she could feel the last ring would send her straight to his voicemail, she found herself almost ready to go back to the charade she'd been playing for months since returning and finding out Logan had left from Mac. He hadn't even given her a proper goodbye, so she had called him that night, they had fought for hours, until she had ended in tears and he had ended in breathless worry, he had spoken quietly, "this isn't getting us anywhere Mars. I'll call you tomorrow," she had nodded silently, choking out a miserable, "okay."

It felt like that night all over again, how her fingers and arms were stretching and stretching, but she was losing her grip faster and faster and she couldn't let herself go, even though she had desperately wanted to, for Logan, she could do that she thought, but her head had begged her to be reasonable, be logical and in the end it won over her heart and after that the days felt darker and the nights felt lonelier.

"Hello?" His voice sounded gruff, as if he'd been sleeping and she'd woken him in the middle of a dream, "Veronica?"

"Hey," her voice breaking slightly, silently hoping he couldn't hear the tears sliding down her cheeks.

"Are you okay?" He sounded alert, but tired. "What's going on?"

Taking a deep breath, she knows she has to do this, she has to make this leap, this was her last chance and she didn't know if she could bear it if she lost it, closing her eyes, she sat down on the curb, between a car and a pickup, why that was important, she didn't care, she just wanted to record this moment, remember it, "I miss you," her voice is small, and she's pretty sure he could hear her cry while she had spoke.

"What?" He sounded breathless, which made her smile. "You what?"

"Miss you," she chokes on a laugh wiping the tears away with the back of her hand. "And I'm sorry for being stupid."

She can hear him take a deep breath, taking in her words, closing her eyes she can picture him sitting in his bed, running a hand over his face, "this is, ah, this is kind of…" he trailed off and she's sure her heart has stopped beating and she's missed her chance with him. The tears fill her eyes and fall over the brim again, and she call feel someone standing behind her, but she doesn't want to turn around, she doesn't want who ever is behind her to know that her heart is breaking and the boy on the phone has given up on her.

Casey sat down next to her, she turned to him, crashing before him, he holds her hand, hangs on tight, nodding silently that he's ready and he'll catch her when she falls. "I should, I should go Logan. I'm sorry for—"

He cuts her off quickly, the panic in his voice, "Veronica, wait. Don't hang up."

"I'm sorry," her voice is barely above a whisper.

Chuckling softly, his voice soft and clearer then she can remember, "I miss you too Veronica. Every day."

Even though it's stupid, but she needs the confirmation, "promise?"

She can feel his laughter, the smirk turning in to a genuine smile and her heart begins to beat again, her eyes clear and she can focus, "yeah," his voice suddenly hollow and she's not sure he's not crying now. "I promise."

"I should go, I'm sorry I woke you up," she laughs softly hearing him let out a sigh.

"I love you Veronica, I hope you know that," he yawns tiredly, but he doesn't sound sleepy anymore.

"Me too," her words soft almost a whisper, swallowing thickly she closed her eyes briefly then looks at Casey who smiles. "Call me tomorrow."

"Bye," he replies, hanging up first. She turned to Casey, wiping her eyes, a smile on her face. He laughed softly leaning over nudging her softly with his shoulder.

"You're a good friend Casey," she nodded with a smile at his shocked face. He shrugged good-naturedly, but the slight pink on his cheeks is unmistakable. "Now tell me about Sara."

Letting out a breath, he slapped his hand on his knee, "finally." Laughing, she smacked him lightly on his shoulder, listening as he shared his own mistakes with the girl, he had decided, was the one. They had that in common.

**A/N – Hope you all enjoyed and like always I love the feedback and appreciate every one who takes the time to read. **

**A/N – I'm working on a few stories that, I hope, will turn in to full length stories. I work in pieces you could say, so it becomes a little difficult having it all come together. But I've got a few ideas in the works, and I'm hoping, keeping my fingers crossed that I'll have sufficient material to post. I'm a bit obsessed with the quality and it takes a few retakes to get some things to work. **


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